Leaving Scotland was hard. I had planned on staying longer but due to the way certain things worked out time wise I had to come to New York a few weeks earlier than anticipated. Perhaps it seems wrong to say it’s hard, seeing as it was my decision to leave, but it was. It was hard leaving a place that had become my home. It was hard leaving my flat, and the 2 (Yes. 2!) friends I’d made whilst living there. There are certain things you look at with fondness a week or two before you leave it. The bus routine, paying in British currency, certain foods I wouldn’t eat again for a long time (looking at you Cadbury chocolate), even the weather. And of course, leaving my sister.
I knew choosing not to live in Scotland was the right decision for me. I wasn’t making the decision because life there was “too hard” or because I felt like I couldn’t do it. Through lots of reflection, and talks with my sister, it became apparent that what we needed through this expereince ultimately ended up being two different things. For me it was leaving, and for her it was staying. And both of us feel good about those respective decisions.
I’ve had people ask me if I gave up. If it got too hard, if I got too homesick, if I missed people too much…these questions hurt a wee bit as I’d like to consider myself a forthcoming enough person that if something was too hard for me I would be sure to announce that. It’s frustrating not being heard, and frustrating being perceived as a weak person who “couldn’t cut it.” But I understand those impressions and try not to take those opinions seriously.
So yes. I’ll be back in California by the beginning of April. I will be pursuing other avenues and other possibilities whilst there. The biggest thing that will be taking over my time is my health as I now have a forward momentum to get fully 100% healthy. I can achieve that while living in the Bay Area and have already begun the long road to recovery.
Do I miss Scotland? Of course. But I’ll be back. And I’m excited for what’s in store next.