I never actually posted this…

Hello All-

Let’s talk about some things that no one likes to hear:

Moving is difficult. I have plenty of friends and family members who have moved before. My grandmother moved over to the United States not knowing a word of English with her two children in tow. My best friend moved to Oregon from California- just to do it. I have a friend who did the same to New York City. These stories sound so glamorous, courageous; we highlight them as something incredible. A journey only the bravest among us embark on.

I love the support I’ve received in my journey. The amount of people who tell me how proud they are that I was able to get here and get a stable place to live, a job, a buss pass etc. This is wonderful success that I have the illusion of achieving. I did it! I moved! Oh what a story I have to tell. The problem with this is that it is only a small portion of the story. The iceberg- with 10% of it’s mass above water- only shows the world a fraction of it’s true self.

I can’t really decide yet whether or not this move is a good story or a bad one. I might have the 10% showing success- but the 90% beneath the surface is as dark and massive and not as pleasing to my audience. No one wants to hear about the time I got home from work at noon, cried a little and drank a bottle of wine to myself. No one wants to know about the days I sleep in to 5pm only to wake up, go on facebook, and go back to sleep. When I ask people for help I am met with destructively positive replies- It will get better, you will find your place, give it time. Good advice- all around. But what if I don’t need advice? What if all I need if a little bit of connection.

I have lived in Scotland for 4 months. I can count on one hand the number of people who have given me a hug. My sister is one of them.

Is connection all I really need? I have joined a community choir. It’s really wonderful. Singing again in a group of musicians. One goal. One focus. It’s reminiscent of some of the greatest experiences in my life.

I joined a gym and I am currently enjoying just working out for the sake of doing something- no other goal really. Although I’ve made some gains in my squats #gympro #liftordie


Anyway- everything written before this sentence was from about 3 weeks ago and I never posted it. Here’s a half written semi old post.



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